Personal Statment

The End

The time had come. After all that questioning, my prayers were soon to be answered. All those sleepless nights, feeling as though I wasn’t good enough. All of the relentless practicing outside in the warm summer heat. I heard my name being called. “Maddie Curtius!” I bit my lip, excited for the news to come. This exact moment had been playing out in my head for some time and I was sure my dreams were about to come true. I sat down in the chair in front of the coaches. As they talked to me, my face became numb and the tears threatened to spill. I couldn’t let the tears fall, though, I needed to remain strong to show them I wasn’t affected. Now my nightmares were shining through. I muttered a quick ‘thank you’ before practically running out to my dad’s car. And then I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed until no further water was provided for my eyes. I felt as though my life was over because I was cut after playing four years of school volleyball. I tried to dive after every volleyball and serve straight aces just to prove that I was ready to start the school season. That was not enough.

Looking back now, I know that nothing was wrong with me. That month of August was one of the worst months of my life. I walked into tryouts, unable to contain all of the nerves. My hands shook, I sweated, and my anxiety increased. Negative thoughts kept pushing into my brain. There were only two days of tryouts, so I really had to convince the coaches. On the last day, I felt so confident that it was nearly radiating off of me. I held my head high as I strutted into that gym, knowing that I had either made JV or Varsity. I was on the JV team last year, so I thought that I would obviously either stay the same or move up a team. I definitely did my best on the last day. I should’ve known that no matter how hard I try, it sometimes isn’t enough.

 

Volleyball was a huge chunk of my life, then it ended. When someone says my name, I thought they would just envision me as a volleyball player. I didn’t think I had any other qualities that made me stand out. I had to define myself as someone new. In the first week after the tryouts, I believed that I had to shape myself into someone else. It was then that I realized how I’m not just Maddie the volleyball player. I’m Maddie the singer, dancer, actor, traveler, fashion enthusiast, and movie lover. After volleyball, I could finally shine on those dimly lit traits. With every end comes a new beginning. Everything eventually comes to an end, for good or for bad. This was a blessing in disguise. All of the stress was lifted off of my shoulders. I realized that joining play was my new beginning because I could focus on my other qualities. To this day, I am still heartbroken about volleyball, but I couldn’t be fortunate enough for the new things it showed me. Although volleyball ended, my new beginning was bright.